Some people define diplomacy as the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. I don’t call this being diplomatic - I call it being assertive!
Whether you are dealing with patients, clients or colleagues, HOW you communicate ultimately determines whether your relationship is clear, open and honest - or fraught with tension, misunderstanding and arguments.
In this talk I explain what it means to communicate assertively, why this is beneficial and how to achieve this kind of relationship with your patients, clients and colleagues.
It can be difficult, when asked to give feedback, to know how to be constructive and honest without leaving the other person feeling demoralised. Some people build others up with positive feedback, while some break them down with destructive criticism. What do you do?
Knowing how to give feedback that is motivating and inspiring is critical if we want to develop children and adults who have high self–esteem, and will realise their full potential. It is important to learn how to give (and receive) feedback in a way that is positive, and which leaves both parties feeling good about themselves, and clear on where they stand.
Learning how to converse well and easily with others gives people more confidence when handling both business and social events. Mastering this skill - either one-on-one or conversations in small groups - is thus an important life skill.
In this talk, I cover the fundamentals of what it really means to be a good conversationalist, how to make effective introductions in order to ease the way for others, and (for emergencies) how to escape from the boring individual who insists on dominating your attention. We also touch on non-verbal (body) language.
YOU-Q is a concept that I have developed out of my experiences as a practicing psychologist, as well as my travels around the world. YOU-Q is about living life to its full potential and finding your Inner Winner.
While it encapsulates emotional, spiritual and intellectual intelligence, YOU-Q is also so much more. It is about Getting Real – the importance of knowing and staying true to your value, purpose and vision. It’s about Changing Your Head Talk – how to silence the unhelpful messages we give ourselves and change our negative self-beliefs. And it’s about learning how to Relate well to others.
Have you ever looked enviously at someone who has presence - that enigmatic, 'can’t-quite-put-your-finger-on-it' quality - and wished you could have it too? Have you ever wondered why people just don’t respond well to you? Are you having trouble getting your message across?
Perhaps the answer lies more with how you’re saying something, than what you’re actually saying.
This talk will help you be more aware of the message you’re actually giving beyond the words you’re saying, and show you how to use your voice and body language to appear confident and have presence.
This refers to the way in which you relate to others. By learning essential communication and interpersonal skills, you will radically enhance your relationships with others.
To help you do this you can:
During my year-long working holiday in America, I tried to see as many different cities as possible. I often made use of Greyhound buses, and one day, when leaving Chicago, I had a ticket for a bus that was due to leave at 4pm. I arrived at the terminal at midday, but didn’t want to walk around with all my bags, so I just sat and waited. Another lady had also arrived early, and she too decided to wait. As the afternoon wore on, crowds of people started arriving to catch the bus, and the fact that we had been waiting four hours didn’t seem to matter - the new arrivals just pushed and shoved so that we were forced right to the back of the queue. We were both furious, and the lady shouted and screamed at the conductor, demanding to be let on the bus. I kept calm and explained that we had been waiting hours. In the end, the conductor let me on to the bus, but turned the other lady away for being rude.
The lesson here is that aggressive behaviour seldom, if ever, gets you what you want. No one likes a rude person. If you want something, ask for it in an assertive, NOT aggressive, manner, always taking the feelings of the other person into account.
I recently had the chance to travel to Maputo in Mozambique. I was there on business, but was also able to spend a little time exploring some of the city. One afternoon, I ended up in the market, walking though the different stalls, and chatting briefly with the traders. They were all friendly, but were obviously eager to sell me something – anything – and were not too subtle in the way they went about it! Quite often, such dogged persistence has the opposite of the intended effect, and instead of being persuaded to buy something, all I want to do is leave the market as quickly as possible to escape the constant hounding.
On this occasion, however, one particular trader stood out from the rest. He was selling some very pretty teaspoons, which caught my eye and I went over to have a closer look. I admired the spoons, but decided not to buy them, and so started to walk away. The seller called me back, and began what I thought would be the normal sales pitch in an attempt to get me to buy the teaspoons. But he was different. He was so inoffensive and non-threatening in his approach, and he seemed so genuine, that I was drawn to him and actually stopped and listened to what he had to say, rather than thinking of the quickest way out of the situation.
In the end, I bought the spoons!
The lesson here is that persistence, backed up with the right approach and a positive attitude, will – in many cases - go a long way towards getting you what you want.
No matter how similar people are, we are all unique. There will always be some ideas, issues, situations etc. on which we disagree. This is to be expected. Conflict in itself is not bad. Knowing how to deal with it, is what counts. If we know how to cope with conflict, we will learn to be less fearful of it, and so not try to avoid it. This creates healthier, more harmonious relationships.
In this talk I focus on the fundamental skills and attitudes you need to deal with conflict and understand that, contrary to popular belief, dealing with disagreement or conflict is far more important to a relationship than not having disagreement or conflict at all.
While travelling through America, I spent a few days in Los Angeles, the 2nd largest city in the United States and the world centre for the entertainment industry. Of course, no trip to L.A is complete without a trip to Hollywood, and while I was there I took a tour of Universal Studios. Included in this tour was a stop-off at the pool containing the beast (or rather, the head of the beast) that sparked terror into the hearts of millions in the 1970s, and had people too terrified to go into the sea – Jaws!
While it made use of what were considered ground-breaking special effects techniques at the time, 30-odd years later, getting up close and personal with the fibreglass model of Jaws was anything but scary! As one of those who was terrified by the film, I was horrified at its amateur appearance!
The life lesson here is even something very basic can create a huge impression if it’s used in the right way. So don’t be scared - take your talents and use them to create magic.