Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and I’m sure many people were romanced, spoilt and made to feel very special. But what about YOU? Did you get the TLC and attention you deserve from your partner? If not, why?
If you’re struggling to ask for what you want or need from your relationship, and feel resentment towards your partner – albeit unexpressed - because your needs are not being met, it’s time to learn a few smart assertiveness skills which will help you get what you want while still taking your partner’s feelings into account. It’s a sure-fire way to keep the romance going long after the Valentine’s Day roses have died!
What is assertiveness?
Assertiveness involves being aware of your feelings, and knowing what you want. It is the ability to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that clearly states your needs while keeping the lines of communication open. It does not, however, involve selfish or bullying-type behaviour.
When you are assertive, you give yourself and your particular needs the same respect and dignity you would give anyone else’s. You develop self-respect, self-worth and self-confidence, and in turn gain the respect of others. Assertiveness is also an awareness of your basic rights as a human being .
When asking for what you want (or stating what you don’t want), you should:
Keep your posture open and balanced. Don’t fidget!
Keep your gestures even, rounded and expansive.
Make good eye contact - but don’t stare!
Be respectful of the other person’s personal space.
Stand your ground.
Keep your tone of voice firm, but don’t shout!
How will this help my personal relationships?
Becoming an assertive person means you are more clearly understood - without having to resort to aggression, sarcasm or deviousness. As a result, you are less angry, frustrated and anxious. This makes you much nicer to be around, and people will feel happier doing what you want them to. Being assertive helps you have honest relationships. It gets your feelings “out there” so people know exactly how you feel and what you want. It helps you feel better about yourself and your self-control in everyday situations. This in turn improves your decision-making ability.
It’s not hard to see why these benefits would have very positive spin-offs for your close personal relationship.
My goal in creating these newsletters is to inspire you to make the changes necessary to ultimately live the life of your dreams!
On my website you'll find more ideas to get you thinking about life, love, work and other important STUFF - all based on my work as a practicing psychologist, speaker, trainer and life coach (and hat lover!)
Email newsletter system: acyMailing Technical and e-marketing support by: