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E-Quipped to... Focus on What you can Control

This newsletter introduces "Circles of Control", a comprehensive article found on my website.

The outbreak of Coronavirus Disease (COVID-19) has plunged the global community into a time of great uncertainty. We’ve never:

• Been exposed to COVID-19 and, although we are learning very fast, we don’t fully understand how it is transmitted, why it is fatal for some and not for others, how to prevent contagion, how to cure it etc.
• Lived through global lockdowns. We don’t know how long the lockdowns will be necessary and what the future holds after lockdown in terms of the economy, global supply chain, food security, employment and so on.
• Had access to so much instant global information and never had to question that information quite as much – is it true? Can it be trusted?

We are in a global crisis. The world is unpredictable. Things are no longer as they used to be and many of us feel out of control and helpless.

So what can we do about it?

Any good trauma therapist will tell you (although perhaps not in these words) that when your exterior structure has broken down you need to organise your interior structure. In other words, when the world as you know it has fallen apart, you need to organise your thoughts, feelings and emotions. When we are not able to change our external situation, all we can do is change our reactions to it.

Coronavirus disease is here. We are in a global crisis. So our task now becomes to ask ourselves:

• “How can I help myself to become calm and have a sense of agency?”
• “How can I make my world more predictable?”
• “How can I gain a sense of control?”

And focus on doing that.

Easy enough to say, but when you are already feeling helpless and out of control, I am aware that it’s not so easy to do, so let me introduce you to a useful tool that may help you to do this.

The tool is called the ‘Circles of Control, Influence and Concern’ which looks at where we focus our time and energy. It looks like this:

You can download a poster of it here.

The inner circle is known as the Circle of Control. This encompasses those circumstances/issues/problems that we have direct control over. This includes problems involving our own behaviour and thoughts.

The middle circle is the Circle of Influence. This encompasses those circumstances/issues/problems that we have indirect control over. This includes problems involving other people’s behaviour. We can’t directly control them, but there’s a good chance that we can have an impact or influence on them by our own actions and choices.

The outside circle is the Circle of Concern. It is also known as the circle of ‘no control’. This encompasses the wide range of circumstances/issues/problems we have, but over which we have no control. This includes problems we can do nothing about, such as our past or situational realities. It’s the biggest circle because there are so many things that we have no power to change. 

If we put our time and energy into worrying about the things that are in our circle of concern we will continue to feel out of control and helpless. But if we put our time and energy into our circle of influence and our circle of control we will give ourselves a sense of agency and feel more in control. So this is where we need to focus our time and energy. 

Resilience is all about choosing your Locus of Control and expanding your Circle of Influence.

In my article called “Circles of Control” I explain you can use the tool to help you gain a sense of control in this unpredictable time of global crisis, by writing down all your worries on individual sticky notes, or pieces of paper, and moving them from your circle of concern into your circles of control and influence. You can do this individually, as a family or group of friends, or even as an office staff.

In short, the “Circles of Control, Influence and Concern” model reminds you that:

If you cannot control it, do not get stressed about it.
If you cannot influence it, do not get upset about it.
Focus on what you can change, not on what you cannot.

About These Emails

You may have been forwarded this email by a friend. In that case, allow me to introduce myself. I am a psychologist, speaker, trainer, coach and hat lover based in Kloof, a suburb of Durban, South Africa. I also do online counselling and coaching and I have clients all over the world.

On my website you'll find lots of free articles, posters and worksheets. I have written and created them all with the intention of helping you find your inner winner. Read, them use them, share them!

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+27 82 491 1136
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